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Walk forward gently, with love, kindness and information

I just read a post at Still Standing about the awful predicament that we Kidowers face after baby loss. We tread a thin line. We endeavor to carry the information we've discovered to the rest of the...

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Pity Party. You're invited.

I want to throw a huge massive tantrum and pity party and I'm not sure how to stop. You can be invited, it's pretty open for everyone to see.Our Therapist this week seemed focused on how we can't give...

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Those that know. And those that don't.

I said it often in those first few days after Ree died. I said that I wished we could all wear signs around our necks when we went out into public that proclaimed our recent loss and explaining why we...

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Voyeurs

I thought since I talked about this in my last post that it would be helpful if I clarified exactly what a voyeur looks like. We have had a couple of people who have found out our story that stand out...

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The Mythical Land of Babies

I feel surrounded by commercials and reminders and updates that Mother's Day is coming. For a kidower like me, it sounds about as ominous and dark and terrible as "Winter is Coming". And I don't even...

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Babies change everything

Do you know how many times I've heard this? Can you imagine how many times I've heard this when I was pregnant? Get sleep now because you won't get sleep later! Better travel now because you won't have...

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Mother's Day

On one hand I know that this holiday is just one that gets utilized by the card companies and chocolate makers in order to sell products. On the other, I've looked forward to this day for so long that...

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Public privacy

I decided over the next few weeks that I have some posts that I would like to hit "publish" on but have hesitated because they are a little bit more sensitive than some of the things I've been...

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Irrational Failure

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Houses and Circles

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#510 in the Sisterhood

I registered my blog this weekend on the Sisterhood of Loss and Support. I thought I would find a list of 15-20 blogs. I am #510. It is a list specifically of bereaved parents, writing about their...

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Some days

People often want to know what life looks like now. Or how we're doing. Or what we're thinking about the future. It always dependsSome days are different from others. Some days I'm inconsolable. Then...

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Drinking water will stop you from crying

Old blog saved in draft. Clearly since I was still in the first month. I'm sure I had more to say. But this is all that was there so this is all I'm writing. These and other fun facts brought to you by...

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Time does not heal all wounds and Love is not enough

I remember reading in the adoption forums for months and seeing parents post constantly that the old adage "Love Is All You Need" is a pile of horse crap. It's not. Love is not enough. It's not enough...

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Not ready

Thought I was ready. I had seen pictures. I've see plenty of pictures. Newborns surround me. It's a peril of being in my late 20's/early 30's. I had seen happy pictures of this newborn and family. I...

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I feel pretty. Oh so pretty.

There is a viral video going around right now by bunch of current female comedians all joking about the fact that it is not acceptable to like yourself in Western female culture. It's definitely not...

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Prayer Flags

In Tibet and other remote mountaintop communities, you'll often see long strings of brightly colored flags moving around in the breeze. The idea is that the prayers are sewn into the fabric and design...

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We're not that different

To new moms out there and moms who have older children and remember the early days well. We are more alike than you may think.I look as worn and weathered as you do. My face has aged over the last five...

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Happy Half Birthday Ree. We made you funfetti cookies

Believe me when I say that if you had lived we would still be celebrating your Half Birthday. I have always loved birthdays. Everybody around me knows that I love celebrating birthdays, I love...

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Are ballet shoes bad luck?

I want to buy things for you all the time. I see things I would never have hesitated to buy you when I was pregnant and this was all a "sure thing". Parents dont just buy baby clothes. At least I...

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Grieve like a man, or something like that

Guest post by Clint tonight following yet one more speech we heard recently from a well meaning person that men and women are just different and we all grieve differently. We heard today that men do...

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Birthday

I can't title it Happy Birthday. It's a Birthday. That's a fact. I am loathe to apply emotional feelings of joy to that fact though. Obviously I wrote this yesterday as I was anticipating today but I...

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Hearts.

I see this statement posted all the time in relation to love, and to loss. It's lovely. I think it's beautiful. I wish I could relate. I wish I felt the same. I want to say the same thing. I want to...

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Ree2-D2

Man Ree, Halloween was gonna be awesome. We're now entering the Trifecta of Hellacious Holidays. Usually I'm thrilled. It all kicks off with out birthdays in early Oct (the 4th and 12th). Then comes...

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Crazy Hormonal Lady

Let me just give a shout out to anyone that has ever attempted fertility cycling while going through any kind of tragedy or grief. I know of fellow infertiles who have cycled after the death of a...

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